Monday, May 2, 2016

Single! Oh, what do I do?



The older I get, the more I have to listen to my female friends, complaining that they can't seem to get a partner no matter how hard they try. Finding (and keeping) a man seems to be the most important agenda on everyone's to-do list.

In this modern day and age, when you can google virtually everything, there is a ton of articles about acquiring (and staying in a) relationship. We have to get it right or else the consequences will be disastrous.

A quick research shows that the phrase "How to get a boyfriend" is googled on average more than forty thousand times a month. There are “experts” online who are earning serious amounts of money by giving advice on how to get back with your partner. Needless to say, most of the customers are female.

This data shows that there is so much demand for relationships that there exists a whole industry, based on this demand. Some women will do just about anything to find a knight in shining armor that will make their lives complete.


The thing that prompted me to write this post was something I read on a forum a couple of days ago. I’m always so fascinated with the obscene lengths some people will go to get a partner, so a topic titled “How to get a boyfriend” was the click-bait that had me hooked at hello.

There was this girl, pushing thirty, as she put it, who knows she’s not beautiful because she’s overweight (someone tell this girl that weight and beauty have absolutely nothing in common!). Anyway, in her topic, she was asking the world wide web how to get a boyfriend. “Why am I still single?” she wondered. “What am I doing wrong?”

When I read the responses, I was shocked. I’d expected the women on this forum (because it is mostly a women’s forum) to tell her that she’s going about it all wrong, that it’s not a man she’s missing in her life, but some self love and self respect … But no. “Join a dating site,” they told her. “Go out to clubs. You’re a woman so it should be easy for you to find a man, even if only for one night.”

Now, I’m not a violent person. I don’t like to fight. But this got my blood pumping. “You’re a woman so it should be easy for you to find a man.” Clearly, this girl has difficulties finding a boyfriend, so does that make her less of a woman?


And this is not all. Yesterday, when I was browsing one of my favorite blogs, I came across another story that left me mortified. A woman wrote how she was unhappy with her husband, who, at one occasion, even became violent towards her, so she decided to leave. Good for you, I thought. But her family, her friends, her loved ones, who should have supported her through her decision to break away from an abusive partner, thought differently. “You’re not young anymore, it will be hard to find another man.” “Try to work it out for your child’s sake.”

And it’s not just the internet that’s really crappy at giving relationship advice. Real life women, the ones you see while you’re out and about, your classmates, your coworkers … Are just as desperate.


"I think this relationship is not going to work," I complained to my friend a couple of years ago. "I’m unhappy, he’s unhappy and we can’t seem to stop fighting."

"Well," she sighed. "I'm kinda jealous of you. At least you have a boyfriend."

Fast forward to about four years later, at the end of another relationship. We had just broken up and I was meeting a friend for coffee. (Now, this relationship had been brief and it just wasn't meeting our expectations, so we decided to end it. And we were both OK with it.)

"... oh, and by the way," I remarked, taking a sip of my beloved beverage, "TheGuy and I broke up."
She immediately flew into a fit of rage. "WHAAAT!? The bastard! How could he do that to you?" (by the way, don't you love how she'd immediately assumed that he was the dumper and I was the dumpee?)

"No, it's fine," I quickly replied. "It wasn't all that great to begin with..."

"Oh, it's OK, honey," she continued, seeming not to have heard me at all. "Don't you worry. We're going to make him take you back and you will be happy together forever!" Excuse me – say what now!!?

Really, what is it about having a partner that appeals to women so much that they are prepared to suffer for it? I know so many great girls who were, at one time, unhappy with their relationships, but they didn’t want to walk away because “then I’ll be alone!”


Girls, please. I’m begging you. You don't need a man to fulfill your life. Believe, you can do that yourself, you MUST do that yourself, by being who you are, by doing what you do. Don't let anyone tell you that you're less of a woman, you're less of a person by being single. Yes, being in the right relationship can be great but you can't expect a guy to give your life meaning. Look around you: there's so much to do, so much to experience. Go out with your friends, laugh like a maniac, paint, sing, dance, make sculptures out of mashed potatoes and sell them for millions, I don't know! The world is your oyster! You are given a limited period of time in this world! Don't waste your time waiting for something that you have no control over! When you’re single and waiting for a man, you’re not missing out on a relationship, you’re missing out on life!

I understand. We’re all looking for love in some way or another. But there’s so much love in this world. You don’t have to limit yourself to romantic love. Your parents love you, your friends love you, your pet loves you! Give them all the love you’ve got and give it also to yourself. Really, take my word for it: You can’t be happy with someone else if you’re not happy by yourself.

What do you think about this? Do you think that it’s more important to be happy or be in a relationship? I’m not saying you can’t be both, but we often see people sacrificing one for the other. Tell me your thoughts.


  1. Honestly, I don't get it, either. I'm happy to be in a relationship, but I'd manage on my own equally well. I mean, life's too short, find someone or not, what does it matter? Ah, the society pressures ...

    1. My thoughts exactly! Those "How to get a boyfriend" tutorials online bother me so much. It's not about wanting to be in a relationship, it's about wanting to be with one particular person. If that person hasn't come into your life (yet), well ... It's better to be single than force yourself into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship.